Most people who I encounter on the so called 'spiritual' path, have come to it because they want to change themselves. They want to feel better, to be better. People are hoping for better sleep and better relationships. They are looking for more clarity. And to reduce stress.
Usually, it's a whole lot of Me, Myself & I. A whole lot of selfing.
Which is actually quite painful. To have our heads stuck deep into our own assholes is NOT a nice feeling. Trust me, because I'm speaking from my own experience, having spent a lot of time there. So I know that it's cramped, claustrophobic and stinky up in there :)
I often meet people who want to find themselves. Their true selves.
They're earnestly asking the question: Who Am I?
And this is a tried and true way of spiritual inquiry. But often, when we begin asking, we are looking to find out what we really want, or would be suitable for, in terms of profession, relationship and place to settle down.
But at some point, during this spiritual* quest, we must arrive at the realisation that this 'true self' doesn't have a profession, a true desire, a sexual orientation, a gender, a look. This TRUE SELF (if we choose to call it that) is beyond the conventional self. The true self can't be described by words. It's very slippery. It's boundless and spacious and hard to pin down.
The true self can't be located.
And the conventional self, the one we spend so much time worrying about. The one who's usually the leading star in all of our dreams and most of our thoughts is just a thought. A persistent thought, but nevertheless a thought. It only exists in the mind as a mind-made story of who we are, with our likes and dislikes. Our memories. And our personality. But the way we feel and the way we think, they don't come from any TRUE SELF deep inside. Instead they are like weather. The result of our upbringing, our culture, what we see, hear, read. What we eat. Our genes etc.
When we step outside the mind, we discover something I think could be described as PARADISE. Stepping outside the mind is easy. It's so easy that it's often overlooked. And so therefore, it (usually) takes some practice to understand how not to overlook it. But once you've seen what's beyond the mind, it's not possible to un-see. We never forget.
And yes, it does seem scary at first to some of us. Because we like to feel in control, even when we understand that this so called control is just an illusion.
We lose ourselves all the time. When we get absorbed in something. Dancing, writing, making music, fucking, playing with a dog. Watching a starry night sky spread out in a never-ending marvellous deep blue eternal canopy. And when we go to sleep. Losing ourselves feels good. It's usually something we look forward to doing.
Being self-conscious is unpleasant. If you are dancing in a club, but as you are shuffling around on the dance floor, all that you can think about is your ex, or whether your moves look silly or whether you look fat in that dress, that's not a pleasant way of being. On the other hand, when you lose yourself in the dance, there aren't many thoughts, you don't wonder how other people might perceive you. You become one with the music and the space and the people.
And that's where it's at. That's what we're looking for.
And that's what we'll ultimately find.